Big Brother

I am amazingly a big brother. I dont think ive earned that title though. i look back at my life and when it comes to guiding the youngest one of us three, it becomes hard. A man is defined by two different people. the one who is in his own head, who calms himself a man, then there are the ones who are the spectators and decide if you are a man to them. jibberish yet?... im more captivated by the man in his own head. the man i thought i was at 18 or 19 years old. THE MAN who thought he was hard as shit and would change the world. Nothing could stop me back then, except everything. funds, independence, girls, vices, state and federal laws, the list goes on. why is it at an age where i was still vulnerable and inadequate, did i feel like i was a real man? was it the taste of this new rise in testosterone, or the burst of adrenaline when the candles went out on my 18th bday. i guess i will never really know. but now im 25, old, and my little brother is 19, and i just want to tell him how to do everything and let him know that what he is thinking is twisted at times, and genius at others but i cant. its like cat stevens - father and son. "Theres so much you have to know" i know that life isnt easy, and you have so many emotions. in retrospect, i felt a lot, but i definitely was alive back then. maybe i forgot how to feel life, and thats why im so commonplaced. to my brother, and all boymens, patients and truth. i understand even though i dont convey it...

Insomnia

This post will not be profound, and i will keep it short. I am basically writing just to keep the routine, my mind is racing and its 330 in the am, so happy july 4th.

Reflection Eternal

Move somtin, move somtin, move somtin... no its not my booty, but my mind is.

for some reason today necrophilia was a big topic in my mind. the first statement my head spit out was "necrophiliacs have commitment issues" but that was really rude of me to think. after much research i found out the common necrophiliac has rejection issues actually. of course most of them are men, be kinda hard to get a corpse... well you know. its sad to see that men's self-esteem can be destroyed by a women so badly that either they turn to coitus with a corpse cause of the likelihood that a corpse will not say no, or that they can take their aggression on a corpse and not have repercussion.

anyways i really don't know why i thought about this today, but i am anticipating a great weekend. hopefully it cools off a little. hopefully the elections of 08 grow substance. and i hope Nas's new album N****r is coherent and crisp with true direction. I sit and think about how we in the US are dealing with racism, but it is a double-edged sword, and until EVERYONE can accept their similarities and toss their differences 2012 doesn't sound to far fetched.

The Big Bang

Today my blog life has started, much like the earth it has the components to someday possibly harvest some of the most intricate creatures, but this will take time, for cultivation of these multicellular thoughts will take the path of evolution, or possibly extinction... in that case this will be a waste of time. You can be God in my blog world and send me to verbal purgatory where I can wonder around blindly like everyone else. Either way get on your magic carpet and rub my gene, cause I know there will be atleast 1 wish.