Big Brother

I am amazingly a big brother. I dont think ive earned that title though. i look back at my life and when it comes to guiding the youngest one of us three, it becomes hard. A man is defined by two different people. the one who is in his own head, who calms himself a man, then there are the ones who are the spectators and decide if you are a man to them. jibberish yet?... im more captivated by the man in his own head. the man i thought i was at 18 or 19 years old. THE MAN who thought he was hard as shit and would change the world. Nothing could stop me back then, except everything. funds, independence, girls, vices, state and federal laws, the list goes on. why is it at an age where i was still vulnerable and inadequate, did i feel like i was a real man? was it the taste of this new rise in testosterone, or the burst of adrenaline when the candles went out on my 18th bday. i guess i will never really know. but now im 25, old, and my little brother is 19, and i just want to tell him how to do everything and let him know that what he is thinking is twisted at times, and genius at others but i cant. its like cat stevens - father and son. "Theres so much you have to know" i know that life isnt easy, and you have so many emotions. in retrospect, i felt a lot, but i definitely was alive back then. maybe i forgot how to feel life, and thats why im so commonplaced. to my brother, and all boymens, patients and truth. i understand even though i dont convey it...